Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The Preposition Game

I've discovered recently that you can find immense fun in prepositions. It's an easy game; simply replace one preposition with another in any common phrase. A few examples follow, but please read aloud. They're about fifteen times funnier that way.

Mike Tyson's Punch-out:

  • Mike Tyson's Punch-in
  • Mike Tyson's Punch-around
  • Mike Tyson's Punch-within
  • Mike Tyson's Punch-along
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:
  • Harry Potter and the Order within the Phoenix
  • Harry Potter and the Order nearby the Phoenix
  • Harry Potter and the Order concerning the Phoenix
  • Harry Potter and the Order underneath the Phoenix
Singing in the Rain:
  • Singing despite the Rain
  • Singing opposite the Rain
  • Singing amid the Rain
  • Singing to the Rain
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
  • The Hitchhiker's Guide onto the Galaxy
  • The Hitchhiker's Guide up the Galaxy
  • The Hitchhiker's Guide over the Galaxy
  • The Hitchhiker's Guide aboard the Galaxy
I invite all my readers to play along. Just click amid the button below.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Note to self: Don't be dumb

I'm realizing that sometimes I have really strong urges do really stupid things. It's the kind of stuff where you know it's not a good idea. There's no question. But something inside me just craves it.

Every day at work, I walk by a certain fire alarm box. I pass it coming from the elevator. I pass it going to the bathroom. I pass it on the way to lunch, and again on the way back. I pass it on the way to the stairs that take me to the vending machine, and on the way back, and when I'm leaving for the day, and at least two other times in the day. And every single time, I want to pull it. A lot. It almost seems like the natural thing to do, just like you flip a light switch when you enter a room. Every time I walk by, I can envision myself reaching out, pulling it down, and continuing on my merry way. It's not that I have a desire to create chaos and havoc; I'm generally a very peaceful, orderly kind of guy. I've never even been toilet-papering. But there something about that fire alarm that tempts me. I constantly have to remind myself that it's not a good idea, that the company would lose tens of thousands of dollars in productivity, and that they'd probably not be too happy with me for it.

Maybe it's just my desire to know what it feels like. How stiff is the spring? At what point does the alarm go off? Is the handle textured so that sweaty hands don't slip? What about after you pull it? Does the lever reset itself? Could it immediately be pulled again, or is there something that physically breaks in order to set off the alarm? All these mysteries are wrapped in a little red box mounted on a wall.

This isn't the only time it happens. Ever since seventh grade, I've had a nagging desire to stick my tongue an electric socket. Just to see what it feels like. I think this started about the same time that I realized you could lick a 9V battery. I know it's a bad idea; one electronics teacher told us that a janitor he knew had lost all use of his arm after a loose staple had short-circuited an outlet when he was trying to remove it. I imagine that licking an electric socket would probably kill me, or at least place me in the hospital for a couple years. But despite it all, I'm curious. I want to know.

They say curiosity killed the cat. I just hope it went out in style.