Intuation

Dear Readers,

As recompense for your patience in waiting for an update, I have a marvelous story for you all. Seriously. It's wonderful. It might even make up for the delay.

A couple days before Halloween, I received a phone call from a couple girls in my FHE group last year. Instead of starting off with the usual "Hello, how are you," she sang the following á la Chicago:

You're the meaning in my life
You're my intuation...

I immediately broke out in laughter. There's a whole story behind that inside joke.

Last year, I had a friend from Salt Lake down at my apartment. We were just about to begin a game of Rummikub when my cell phone rang. Looking at my phone, I saw an (801) number that I didn't recognize. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Hello?
Girl with fake, breathy accent: Is Brant there?
Me: Brant? Do you mean [insert Yellow's proper first name here, which is vaguely similar to Brant, but not terribly so.]
Girl with fake accent: No. Is Brant there?
Me: Umm... If you don't mean [insert Yellow's name], then I don't know who you're looking for. Are you sure you have the right number?
Girl with fake accent: [Insistently] Is Brant there?
Me: Umm... No.
Girl with fake accent: Can you take a message?
Me: [Figuring that something weird is going on] ...Sure.
Girl with fake accent: Good. Do you have a pen?
Me: Sure.
Girl with fake accent: All right. It's a singing message.
Me: A singing message?
Girl with fake accent: Yes. Here it is. [Hands phone to friend.]
Singing Girl: [Singing to the tune of Chicago's "You're my Inspiration"]

You're the meaning in my life,
You're the inspiration.
You bring feeling to my life,
You're the inspiration.

Me: Okay...
Girl with fake accent: Did you get it?
Me: I think so, yes.
Girl with fake accent: Sing it back to me.
Me: What???
Girl with fake accent: Sing it back to me!

(I should mention at this point that my friend was looking on very curiously, being able to hear bits of the conversation due to the phone's volume.)

Me: I don't think I can. I don't think I can get the accent right.
Girl with fake accent: Would you like to hear it again?
Me: Umm... sure.
Girl with fake accent: Okay. [Hands phone to Singing Girl, who repeats her performance]
Girl with fake accent: Did you get it?
Me: I think so.
Girl with fake accent: Well, then read it back to me.
Me: ...Okay. [Reads the lyrics back]
Girl with fake accent: No, no, no. Listen carefully. [Passes the phone to Singing Girl again]
Singing Girl:

You're the meaning in my life,
You're my intuation...

Me: Intuation???
Girl with fake accent: Yes. It's a Slavic word. I am from Slovakia.
Me: [Seriously doubting that Girl is from Slovakia] Oh. I see.
Girl with fake accent: Did you get the rest of it?
Me: [Giving up on trying to make any sense of this phone call] Nope. I guess you'd better sing it again.
Singing Girl:

You're the meaning in my life,
You're my intuation.
You're the meaning in my life,
You're my dispensation.

Me: You're my dispensation???
Girl with fake accent: Yes. Are you LDS?
Me: [What in the world???] Yes.......
Girl with fake accent: I am LDS too. Thanks for asking.

After the call was over, I pulled out my laptop to do a reverse phone lookup on the phone number. Unfortunately, I was only able to discover that it was a Provo-based cell phone provided by Sprint. I looked through our ward directory and was likewise frustrated. I have no idea who called me.

The following Monday, I told my FHE group the story. They all laughed about it, and a couple of the girls even volunteered to call the number and try to figure out who it was. They tried, but we were never able to figure it out. It remains a mystery to this day. A hilarious mystery.

Dear Girl with Fake Accent,

If you're reading this, thank you. You have no idea how many scores of people have laughed because of your phone call that night.

-Yellow