The Impossible Dream

Get ready for a long one, folks.

There are some books, plays, and movies that, I might say, "redefine" my view of the world. When I first see / read them they don't seem to apply much to my life. They often are interesting or entertaining, but I just don't see much of myself in any of the characters. However, in the days afterwards, I begin to see things in a new light that I had never before considered.

I just added a play to this category today. Over Thanksgiving break I saw "The Man of La Mancha" at Hale Center Theater in West Valley City with my family. I enjoyed it, and especially liked the Spanish guitar that intermittently accompanied the actors. I didn't, however, really see how the ideals presented had application to my life. Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Don Quixote is the deranged but optimistic alter ego of Spanish gentleman Alonso Quijana, who has gone mad. Championing virtues of chivalry, courage, bravery, and honor, Quixote gallantly attacks giants, seeks proper knighting, and courts the high lady Dulcinea. (In reality, he charges against a windmill, is knighted by the local tavern keeper, and "courts" the local wench Audanza.) Near the end of the play, Quijana comes to his senses and forsakes the idealistic views of Don Quixote. We then see, however, that Quixote's idealistic views, (which have nothing to do with reality,) have actually inspired hope and happiness in the lives of those formerly hopeless.

The main anthem from the play is "The Impossible Dream." Many have heard the song, but few actually understand the phrase. Many use it to describe perfectly possible things, such as better technology or an underdog sports team hoping to take the championship. Dale Wasserman, the writer of the play, said the following:

When I see these references – and I see them every day – my impulse is to holler, “Pay attention, ...the operative word is not ‘dream,’ the operative word is ‘impossible!’”

Of course no one listens. But “impossible” is exactly what I meant: the dream, to be valid, must be impossible. Not just difficult. Impossible. Which implies an ideal never attainable but nevertheless stubbornly to be pursued. A striving for what cannot be achieved but still is worth the effort. As, for instance, peace on earth. Or a gentleness for all who breathe, and breathing, suffer. Or a hope that we may mitigate the horrors paraded for us on the news every hour of every day of every week. That we may reduce the tidal surge of wars, crimes, cruelties to humans and to animals, and the orgies of atrocities that sicken the earth.

These are impossible dreams. Still, quixotically, they must be dreamed.

The impossible dream. The things we hope and strive and fight for, no matter how impossible they are. As I was watching the play, I couldn't identify any truly impossible dreams in my life. I have my pursuits, but they're usually quite achievable. So the play, I thought, was good but just didn't really speak to me.

Then I started seeing with new eyes. A (quite pleasant) conversation with a certain girl heretofore known as M finally put an end to my above-average interest in her. Though I was a bit disappointed, closure on the issue is nice. I've been holding out hope for a while, but I think it's time to move on, and now that I know how she feels, it's easier to do so.

There's only one problem, though. I find myself not wanting to let go. I know she's not interested. I know I need to concentrate elsewhere and not be stuck in the past. But I don't want to. It's like my own impossible dream. In fact, as I look back on my life, I realize that somewhere inside of me is a need to have an impossible dream. I like having something I can't reach, but hope for nonetheless. This quixotic optimism has defined a lot of my life. In 8th grade, back when I sat at the very bottom of the social totem pole, I had a major crush on one of the cutest girls in the school, Jenny. In high school, I had impossible dreams named Kati, Michelle, Jenna, and others. There were girls that liked me back then, and some I even liked in return. One I dated for a time. But overall, I couldn't stop myself from striving after the unachievable. And now I'm doing it again. I need to find a few dreams that are a bit more "possible."

Yes, my impossible dreams are all female. Do you have a problem with that?